God’s Design for Marriage
Peter Marshall, the United States Senate Chaplain in the mid-1940s and pastor of New York Avenue Presbyterian Church in Washington, D.C., was known for referring to marriage as “the halls of highest human happiness.” Apparently his Scottish heritage contributed to his poetic use of language. Neither did his bachelorhood - until he was in his 30s - diminish his perspective of the sacred institution.
But where did this high view of marriage come from? In fact, where did marriage come from? What is its purpose? How do we know what constitutes a proper marriage? Who says so?
All the foundations of our lives, our world, our philosophies, our purposes, and more come from God. He establishes all of these things in the first part of the book of Genesis, which means “beginnings.” Marriage is no exception.
After God created Adam, He said His creation was good. And it was. But it wasn’t long before He paraded all of the animals - with their mates - in front of Adam. Adam named the animals, and probably enjoyed the process very much. He was able to exercise his dominion, his creativity, his language skills, and more in that endeavor. But it also showed him the lack in his own life. There was no creature suitable to be his match, his partner, his spouse.
And God said that was NOT GOOD. In fact, that’s the only time God said this of His own work. And He said it not because He had made a mistake or forgotten something important, but to help Adam realize and recognize his need for a companion. And then God proceeded to meet Adam’s need in a most peculiar way.
He put Adam to sleep and removed a rib to create a woman for him. Exactly how God created a woman out of a rib, we do not know. And it truly does not matter. (By the way, the theory that men have one fewer rib than do women is just a myth.) Whatever He took and however He did the work, it was good. But the principles that come from that act are profound.
So why did God create and ordain marriage - the union of one man and one woman for life? What are the purposes of marriage?
1. Marriage is for the companionship of humans. We are not animals. We are not angels. We are certainly not gods. But the one true God who created us did so with our needs and weaknesses in mind. And He gave us other humans to encourage us, care for us, love us, converse with us, and experience life with us - together. And in turn, we can offer these things to others. How exciting would a new job or a comfortable home be, if there was no one to share these with? How difficult would it be to bear a burden or endure a tragedy, if there was no one to offer a hug or a listening ear? How else would we learn to express ourselves, share our ideas and thoughts, be confronted or validated in our choices, or simply find fellowship, if there was no other human with whom to share our lives?
Matthew Henry explains it this way: “God created woman for man’s comfort, for man is a sociable creature. It is a pleasure to him to exchange knowledge and affection with those of his own kind, to inform and to be informed, to love and to be beloved. What God here says of the first man, Solomon says of all men, that two are better than one. (Ecc. 4:9).”
Ah, you may say, but I don’t need marriage for those things. I have friends! And yes, you are correct - to an extent. Friends may fill many of these gaps, but not all that marriage will. And hopefully, your husband is your best friend!
2. Marriage provides a “one-flesh” relationship. “The institution of monogamous marriage, home, and family…is so common to human history that people seldom pause to reflect on how or why such a custom came into being.” (Morris) At least, that used to be the case. Now marriage is attacked and questioned on every front. Simply having a healthy, God-centered marriage is a strong witness in our dark world for Christ and the gospel. Satan doesn’t like that; therefore, he is trying every tactic he knows to destroy the family.
One way Satan attacks is to hide and question the truth of the Word. “Many want to believe that the monogamous, two-parent family was invented in the 1950s by American television icons Ozzie and Harriet, but Adam and Eve are the original family,” writes commentator David Guzik. “This is God’s ideal family. This isn’t polygamy. This isn’t concubinage. This isn’t the keeping of mistresses. This isn’t adultery. This isn’t homosexual co-habitation. This isn’t promiscuity. This isn’t living together outside the marriage bond. This isn’t serial marriage. This is God’s ideal for the family,” the bedrock unit of society. And we have the opportunity to preach Christ to the world simply by living as one flesh in marriage, according with God’s plan.
Again, Peter Marshall’s poetic description of marriage helps us understand this relationship better: “The perfect marriage must be a perfect blend of the spiritual, the physical, the social, and the intellectual. We are souls living in bodies. Therefore, when we really fall in love, it isn’t just a physical attraction. If it’s just that, it won’t last. Ideally, it’s also a spiritual attraction. God has opened our eyes and let us see into someone’s soul. We have fallen in love with the inner person, the person who’s going to live forever. That’s why God is the greatest asset to romance. He thought it up in the first place.”
3. Marriage is for procreation. Many people, women in particular, feel that this is a base or unworthy purpose of marriage. “Women weren’t created just to bear children!” they loudly proclaim. And although I will agree that women were not created solely to bear children, I do believe it is one of their primary purposes. Men certainly can’t do it! And God desired for His earth to be filled with His creation.
This raises another point. It is possible to bear children outside of marriage. But this is not in line with God’s design, and it does not completely fulfill the purpose. We are not supposed to just deliver as many babies as possible to this earth. No, we are to bear children with our husbands and then train those children to be lovers and followers of God.The family really is God’s first means of propagating His good news. Fathers and mothers - together - are the ones who bear the responsibility of teaching Truth to their offspring.
4. A fourth purpose of marriage is to reflect and picture the relationship of Christ with His bride, the Church. Ephesians 5:22-33 teaches us this truth. “The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…” (v. 23) We all know that Eve was formed out of the rib or side of Adam. It never occurred to me that there was much significance in that act, other than demonstrating that women and men are made from the same stuff. But according to Bible commentator David Guzik, the spiritual object lesson is profound: “The Bride of Christ comes from the wound made in the side of the second Adam, Jesus Christ.”
What an image this creates in our minds! Adam needed a wife, a helper. Jesus Christ, as God Himself, does not need anything or anyone, yet he wanted fellowship with us so much that He was willing to suffer and die to restore us and our relationship with Him. Jesus’ sacrifice for the creation of the Church included His pierced side, from which flowed blood and water, and this was foreshadowed in that first divine surgery - Adam’s sacrifice of a rib, which resulted in the creation of his wife. As a good husband will love and care for his wife, putting her above his own needs and desires, providing her with a home and the means to care for its members, and giving himself to her and for her, so Christ does this for His own.
Two of the words in that passage are especially meaningful and picturesque to me: nourish and cherish. God nourishes us (brings us up to maturity and stability), and He cherishes us (keeps us warm and fosters us with His tender care). I see in my mind’s eye the image of a husband tending to his wife’s needs ever so gently, so patiently, and so fully; ensuring that her heart is protected; and actively refilling her emotional reservoir often, so that she lacks nothing, is completely content in his love, and adores him more each day. And that is a picture of Christ - fulfilling our every need with Himself, protecting us from the lures of the world, and reminding us in a thousand ways that He loves us more than we can imagine.
And how should a wife respond to such a husband? With nothing but respect, admiration, affection, submission, and cooperation. It is a cycle that grows and builds upon itself: the husband loves the wife. The more he loves her, the more she wants to please him. The more she pleases him, the better he loves her. And so it goes and grows.
And while they are blissfully committed to each other, their relationship touches lives around them - their children and grandchildren, their church, their work-mates, and their communities. I can’t state this enough: marriage and the family is the foundational unit of society and God’s first plan to spread the gospel to the lost. Simply having a strong marriage is the first step in winning the world for Christ.
So this is what marriage is intended to be according to God’s Word. It’s a beautiful arrangement and relationship that esteems others above self, that provides for the growth and maturity of children, and that advances God’s kingdom on earth. What a good a perfect gift God has blessed us with!
Your marriage can truly be a trophy of grace and God’s goodness. As Dr. Marshall wrote: “Include Him in every part of your marriage, and He will lift it above the level of the mundane to something rare and beautiful and lasting.” - something worthy of the name: “the halls of the highest human happiness.”