Off Script
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” (Prov. 4:23)
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Prov. 4:23, NIV)
Which is more important, my physical heart or my spiritual heart?
My life is a journey, a journey with God. He’s my guide, the Author of my story. What I do in my journey is important. It reflects my knowledge of God and whether I am bringing glory to Him.
My journey is not how I envisioned my life. It has become more of a medical journal. I have dealt with pain, scoliosis, spinal stenosis, surgeries minor and major, in-patient and out-patient therapy, infection raging in the body, cancer, chemo and radiation, neuropathy, pain, broken bones, quarantine, ‘nursing’ my knees along with injections anticipating knee replacement. Did I mention pain? I was counting on the knee replacement to alleviate some pain.
As I was counting down the days to my scheduled right knee replacement, I went to the pre-op appointment. I was fully anticipating a routine visit as they told me what to expect during and after the surgery. Instead, the hospitalist bluntly stated, “I see you have a leaky heart valve, and you will need clearance from your cardiologist.” What?
My primary care personnel had been monitoring a heart murmur for probably a decade. It was mild and would be monitored. Did I understand what a murmur was or its consequences as it progressed? An emphatic NO. Yes, the murmur had progressed enough to have a cardiologist. In January I had my second echocardiogram, but I thought I was still just being monitored because the results were not communicated with me until May when I wanted clearance for surgery.
Just three days before the scheduled surgery, my cardiologist delivered very unsettling news. No, I could not have the elective knee replacement, because there were issues with my heart. If it was this serious, why was I not notified?
Diagnosis: acute aortic valve stenosis. The aortic valve was not opening and closing properly because of calcification. Any surgery before a valve replacement was basically a death sentence: bleed to death during a surgery. I was confused. I was emotional! I was discouraged—very discouraged! I wrestled with the facts for the next two or three days. I had to come to grips that caring for my heart was definitely more important than a knee, no matter how much pain I had. I was face to face with the risks, my own mortality, and the need for advance directives. I am not afraid of death; I know where I will spend eternity. It just seemed more imminent.
During the monitoring process the only question regarding symptoms was, “Do you have chest pains?” I have since learned that most women do not have that symptom. My heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen level were good. WHEN I finally saw the list of 13 symptoms, I realized I had numerous indicators that had often been dismissed or overlooked because “You’re not as young as you used to be.” Most of them are considered normal signs of aging. But they were also warning signs I had a serious problem. However, without the list I didn’t realize I had a problem, nor did I comprehend the severity of my condition. I needed someone skilled in that area.
I had to deal with my physical heart, but I also had to deal with my spiritual heart. My emotions were out of control.
Just as I could not diagnose my physical heart condition, neither can I diagnose the condition of my spiritual heart. But I have the Word of God to help me deal with an anxious heart.
Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. My anxiety was just as severe as my aortic valve.
I was, and still am, very anxious. BUT my God was and still is in control.
RX for an anxious heart:
Marlene, this prescription is written specifically with you in mind. As you meditate you will find your comfort in Me. I know you don’t like many scripts, and this list is quite lengthy, but this should change your focus from your circumstances to Me. Usually, prescriptions are written for just that one person, but you may share this with others that may have anxious hearts.
-The Great Physician
Confess your sin. Anxiety is sin. Confess your other sins as well.
Follow a heart-healthy daily diet in My Word.
Daily obey My Word.
Come into My presence, pouring out your heart. You have full access.
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” (Heb. 4:16)
“Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.” (Ps. 55:17)
5. Delight and meditate on these verses:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour [physical weariness] and are heavy laden [emotional weariness], and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you [first thing every morning] and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)
“Be careful [anxious] for nothing; [Leave it with me.] but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. [Let your gratitude list grow because I have given you many blessings.] And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. [Enjoy the peace that I give you.] Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” [Occupy your mind with these things rather than circumstances.] (Phil. 4:6-8)
“Be still, and know that I am God!” (Ps. 46:10) [Yes, this is a rebuke to your turbulent heart. Stop arguing with me and surrender because you aren’t in control. I am.]
“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts,…and be ye thankful.” (Col. 3:15) [Let me be the umpire of your life. Continue to grow your gratitude list.]
“And David was greatly distressed;…but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.” (I Sam. 30:6) [I encouraged David, and I will do the same for you.]
“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” (Ps. 19:14)
“Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come…” (Ps. 71:3)
“…He that is perfect in knowledge is with thee.” (Job 36:4)
“It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion [all that I need], saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.” (Lam. 3:22-24)
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:” (Is. 26:3-4)
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Is. 40:31)
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Is. 41:10)
“For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” (Is. 41:13)
“This people have I formed for myself; they shall shew forth my praise.” (Is. 43:21)
6. You have compiled your own list of My names and My attributes. Study and meditate on these. This will magnify Me.
Sovereign
Comforter
Shepherd and Guide
7. Your phone makes it easy to access the music that has brought you comfort. There is great doctrine found in hymns and spiritual songs. Many of them were written when the author carried a great need or burden. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Holy, Holy, Holy
Blessed Assurance
To God Be the Glory
My Hope is Jesus
All That Thrills my Soul Is Jesus
Turn your eyes on Jesus
The Secret Place
______________________________
Fast forward to today, post-surgery:
Praise to the Lord! The TAVR surgery was just what I needed. (TAVR replaces the aortic valve by entering the groin.) The surgery was a success, and I feel great! I cannot remember when I had this kind of energy. I am still being monitored, but I am thankful for God’s goodness. Gratitude for care for both my spiritual and physical heart abound! Will I have anxious times again? Most definitely! My arsenal of Scripture is ready. My God cares and will help me change my focus to Him!
NOTE: Francie Taylor of Keep the Heart has been such an encouragement to me, as well as many others. Francie can be found on Facebook and KeeptheHeart.com.
My dad was already in ministry when I was born, so I'm a PK (preacher’s kid). My parents were the ones that led me to the Lord about the time of my sixth birthday. I’m so thankful for God using my parents to shape my life. It has always been my goal to serve the Lord, but I am thankful for God's grace.
I am a teacher. I've taught Sunday School for over 50 years and served in Christian schools as teacher, supervisor, or office staff for 41 years. My educational background is from Pillsbury Baptist Bible College (BA), Minnesota University, Mankato (BS), and Ball State University (MAE).
I've recently retired and am trying to figure out what that looks like. Reading, scanning family pictures, and small quilt projects are projects to pursue.
