A Biblical Helper
“Honey, can you help me? I need…” That seems to be the start of one hundred conversations a day at my house. And before the kids were mostly grown, there were one thousand more conversations that began: “Mom! Can you…Will you…Have you…When will you…?” Can you relate?
And sometimes, in self-pity and frustration, I ask myself, “Why do I always have to do everything around here?” But instead of growing irritated and frustrated with this, I decided to try looking at things from a biblical standpoint. So…why is it that wives always have to be the helpers?
God created Eve to be a “help meet” for Adam. This was not just a unique relationship for the two of them, but all wives are made to be helpers, fit for their husbands. Various translations render this passage differently, but they all carry the same meaning:
KJV: “I will make him [Adam] an help meet for him.”
NKJV: “I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
NASB: “I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
NLT: “I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
RSV: “I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Although I don’t make a regular practice of reading each of these translations, they all seem to get this one idea right. Their word choices are very similar, and they aid us in understanding God’s purpose. The man and the woman were alike in their design and composition; however, the woman was created as a counterpart, a completer, and a helper to the man.
In today’s feminist society, many either fear or hate (or both) the title of “help meet.” They look to the slums of the industrial revolution and see women who were abandoned by their husbands, stuck at home with large families, overworked, under appreciated, and often left to fend for themselves, as the men gathered at the local pub and drank away their weekly earnings. Or perhaps they tell the story of families ensnared by a false religion and a false god, yet the end result is the same: women oppressed and suppressed, more slave than spouse. While these are sad situations, neither of these images reflects the true biblical meaning of the word help meet.
“There is a beautiful Jewish tradition saying God made woman, not out of man’s foot to be under him, nor out of his head to be over him, but she was taken from under his arm that he might protect her and from next to his heart that he might love her.” (Barnhouse) These thoughts have been a comfort to women for centuries, although their husbands have not always acted so biblically, nor so gallantly.
God was not trying to harm women when He made them helpers for their husbands. He was, rather, protecting them by designating a structure and an order for the pinnacle of His creation - mankind and the family. He created ladies with nurturing spirits, comforting hands, tender hearts, sharp organizational skills, soft bodies, and an enormous capacity for love. His goal was to design a way in which two human beings could come together for companionship and unity and learn to work together to accomplish the most good for His glory. God was enabling both men and women to fulfill His purposes for them in the best way possible. Marriage - including the husband’s leadership and the woman’s willing help - is God’s gift to us. If we can see it that way, what a difference it will make in our attitudes and submission to it.
One thing that has really helped me in understanding this concept is the meaning and use of the word help meet throughout the Old Testament. I heard a preacher one time say that the same word used for the wife is one that God uses for Himself. So I researched this, and found it to be true. The Hebrew word is ‘ezer, and it is originally used for Eve, as wife to Adam. It means to help or succor (spelled succour in the KJV), which is not a common word in our modern vocabulary. It essentially carries the meaning of offering aid, assistance, and support to another in time of hardship and distress. Another definition says that to succor is to furnish another with all that he needs for relief and success.
After this initial use in Genesis 2, ‘ezer appears in the Bible 19 more times, 15 of them describing God and His relationship to His children. Look at some of these passages:
“The God of my father, said he, was mine help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh.” (Ex. 18:4)
“There is none like unto the God of Jeshurun, who rideth upon the heaven in thy help, and in His excellency on the sky…Happy art thou, O Israel: who is like unto thee, O people saved by the LORD, the shield of thy help, and who is the sword of thy excellency! And thine enemies shall be found liars unto thee; and thou shalt tread upon their high places.” (Deut. 33:26, 29)
“The LORD hear thee in the day of trouble; the name of the God of Jacob defend thee; Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion;” (Ps. 20:1-2)
“Our soul waiteth for the LORD: He is our help and our shield.” (Ps. 33:20)
“But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: Thou art my help and my deliverer; O LORD, make no tarrying.” (Ps. 70:5)
“Then thou spakest in vision to Thy holy one, and saidst, I have laid help upon one that is mighty; I have exalted one chosen out of the people.” (Ps. 89:19)
“O Israel, trust thou in the LORD: He is their help and shield. O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD: He is their help and shield. Ye that fear the LORD, trust in the LORD: He is their help and their shield.” (Ps. 115:9-11)
“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.” (Ps. 121:1-2)
“Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth. (Ps. 124:8)
“Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God: (Ps. 146:5)
“O Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself; but in Me is thine help.” (Has. 13:9)
In the above passages, we see that God Himself became a “help meet,” an ‘ezer to His people in all different situations. He helped Moses survive the death that Pharaoh had planned for him. He helped Israel defeat her enemies. He helped defend those who followed Him. He helped His people overcome physical and spiritual poverty and need. He helped establish the throne of David, and guaranteed its continuance through Christ for ever. He helped His children escape those who wanted to bring them harm. He even helped heal Israel when she was bent on self-destruction.
I don’t know about you, but this encourages me greatly! The ways in which God helps mankind are obviously much higher than the ways that I can promise to help my husband. After all, He is God, and I am not. But in His role as an ‘ezer, He is definitely not a door mat, waiting for Israel to wipe her feet on Him. He is not an apathetic spectator, resigned to enduring whatever choices Israel made. No, my God, the one true God, is active, strong, involved, and truly helpful, bringing aid, relief, and support to His chosen ones. And I can pattern my role in marriage after Him. If God is not too high, too good, too awesome to be a help for humans, then why should I think that I am too good to be a help to my husband?
How often have you needed God’s help? If you are like me, it’s quite often. Do you despise Him, abuse Him, or think less of Him because He has succored you - brought you the aid, assistance, and relief you needed - in those moments?
Certainly not! We love Him more for each of the times we have seen His hand in our lives. Every verse that speaks to our hearts, every word of encouragement He sends, every trial, testing, and hardship He brings us through, every sorrow He comforts - these each raise our eyes to see Him in a new, more glorious light. We know Him better. We feel closer to Him. We trust Him more. His help teaches us to depend on Him and knits our hearts closer to His, so that we have a better understanding of His eternal goals and plans for the world. We glorify Him better. We praise him more!
Do you see how God’s help solidifies and strengthens our relationship with Him? Can it not do the same for our marriages? How gracious of Him to share this role with women as a way to reflect His love, mercy, gentleness, and goodness to our husbands, children, and the world!
Ladies, as you give up your own plans for God’s plans, for the good of your husband, and for your marriage and your family, you will find greater joy and satisfaction. You will see that you have something valuable to offer to your spouse, whether that be physical assistance, counsel, cooperation, encouragement, intimacy, fresh ideas, submission, solutions, or a myriad of other things. He needs your help, just as you need his love and protection.
It is not empowering to despise, discount, or disregard the plan that God has designed for your marriage, as proponents of feminism would have you believe. He is all-wise, knowing what is best for you. While most women will likely need to take on the responsibility of caring for the home and family, we can see these often mundane tasks as what they truly are - opportunities to impact the world for Christ, while helping our husbands successfully accomplish all that God has called them to do.
And being an ‘ezer does not mean that you will have no job, ministry, or purpose. God may lead you to be involved in any number of things: teaching the ladies at church, organizing the nursery, singing in the choir, preparing meals for shut-ins, or having a job outside the home. As long as the decision to be involved has been made together with your husband and is not in violation of Scripture, then you are free to do whatever is on your heart. It’s simply another expression of God’s good plan for your life.
A godly wife is a help meet - an ‘ezer - to her husband. Embrace that role. Give it your best effort. I believe that with God’s help you will find true satisfaction, rest, and joy in it.