No More Tantrums

Psalm 13

“How long wilt Thou forget me, O Lord? For ever? How long wilt Thou hide Thy face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;

Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

But I have trusted in Thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation.

I will sing unto the Lord, because He hath dealt bountifully with me.”

Have you ever seen a toddler who didn’t get her way? She pouts. She cries. She stomps her dainty, little foot and crosses her short, chubby arms. Her bottom lip shoots out, and she has no problem letting you know what she’s thinking. Sometimes, she even throws herself upon the floor and kicks and screams. (If you’ve ever wondered about the veracity of the sin nature, look no further than a toddler!)

We smile and joke about toddler temper tantrums, but they’re not so cute when the child grows a bit larger, are they? And how about when adults have melt downs over not getting their own way? “I would never pout or stomp my feet!” you exclaim. No, most would not. But we have tantrums just the same.

In Psalm 13, it seems that David may have been on the verge of a tantrum himself. Thankfully, he decided to take his complaints to God in prayer. Prayer changes things—most often, the heart of the one praying.

The questions David asks of God probably sound familiar: How long will you forget me? Are you hiding your face from me? How long will you let my enemies trample me?

When will I get my life back?

Have you ever felt that way? Like some event or trial has come barreling into your life, forever altering it and taking away everything you love?

I have. David has. And I’m guessing that you have too.

What are we supposed to do in times like those? How are we supposed to “get over it,” or “move on,” as the experts often tell us?

Psalm 13 is a help to those who may feel stuck in sorrow, frustration, and even anger at God over a life-altering affliction that has invaded their secure, stable, well-planned future.

For some, it is the burden of care-giving that may last for years, even decades. For some, it may be a health crisis that is sucking away their life or that of a loved one. For others, it may be financial devastation or set back. Perhaps the death of a dream. And hardest of all (in my opinion), it may be the break down of a relationship or the loss of a beloved friend or family member. Whatever it is that has you feeling discouraged, depressed, or even despondent, there is hope and help found in God’s Word. Let’s look at it together.

At the beginning of his prayer, David’s emotions are quite evident. Four times he asks God, “How long?” If he had been riding in the back seat of God’s minivan, he would have grown more and more irritated and restless, snapping the infamous question a hundred times: “Are we there yet?!” He is petulant—impatient, demanding, insolent to God in his tone. If he were my child, I’d say he was due for a meeting with the board of understanding. His prayer was self-centered, rather than God-focused. He was obviously upset and probably afraid.

But by the end of his conversation with God, David’s whole attitude had transformed from doubting to trusting, from demanding to rejoicing, and from sorrowing to singing. His mind, body, and soul have come to a place of rest. His selfish prayer has turned to surrender. It’s as if the toddler has forgotten why she was crying, crawled up in her daddy’s lap, and fallen asleep.

How did this change happen?

There are four steps that David models for us in this short psalm. They will lead us from frustration and anger to rest and peace.

1. Relinquish your struggle. Turn your problems over to the Lord—He knows them all anyway. While David’s questions seem rude and brash, perhaps it was necessary for him to audibly, tangibly tell God his concerns. These things didn’t surprise or hurt God. And getting them out of his system allowed David to clear his mind and start thinking rationally—biblically—about the situation.

Matthew Henry puts it this way: “The afflicted have liberty to pour out their complaint before the Lord. It is some ease to a troubled spirit to give vent to its griefs, especially. . . at the throne of grace, where we are sure to find One who is afflicted in the afflictions of His people and is troubled with the feeling of their infirmities….” In other words, God knows our struggle. Jesus lived the human life; He was tempted and tried in every way that we are.

The psalms are full of these desperate prayers. Hannah begged God for a son; Job often told the Lord his miseries and sorrows. Moses asked God to relieve him of the burden of leading the Israelites through the desert; King Hezekiah spread the enemy’s threats against Israel before the Lord. Three times Paul desired for God to remove his thorn in the flesh. While our attitude behind such prayers is important, it is also right and good to take these sorrows and trials to God.

2. Refocus your thoughts. Ask God for His perspective on the matter that has driven you to your knees. We short-sighted humans tend to ask the wrong question—why. “Why have You done this to me? Why am I the one being tested?” Rather, try humbly asking some other questions. “What are You trying to teach me? How do you want me to grow through this? To whom can I now minister because of this experience?”

Another temptation is to give our minds to distraction from the pressure of the situation, like a lollipop or a toy for that petulant toddler. We immerse ourselves in entertainment, sports, or vacation, or we sleep for days. Some even choose to numb their minds with alcohol or drugs. That’s not going to help in the long run.

David adjusts his focus in verse three. He asks God to “consider” his requests, to “hear” his prayers, and to “lighten” his eyes. These prayers really are a plea for God to strengthen his faith. He wanted God to enable him to look beyond the present distress and see the bigger plan for his future. In another prayer of David’s, he asked God to “restore to him the joy of salvation, for in long trials, human hearts tend to first lose joy, then lose hope.” (Henry) And that is no place for a child of God. His promises are true and faithful, and by His grace, we can patiently wait for them to come to pass.

3. Remember God’s character. Behind every demanding, impatient prayer is a forgetful mind. When we know—and remember—God’s true nature, we will not be able to question Him in this way. Though our initial response to a trial may be questioning, as Matthew Henry says, “the second thought will retract it and repent of it.”

God’s promises are true because God is true. His mercy is everlasting, longer than any trial we may be called upon to bear. Salvation is our portion, and He has appointed and provided it already. God’s grace is abundant and lavish, daily given no matter what our circumstance may be. No wonder David was prolific in writing psalms and in emerging from trials victorious and strong! He took time to meditate upon the attributes of his God and to think through the blessings of those. So should we.

“See the power of faith, the power of prayer, and how good it is to draw near to God. If we bring our cares and griefs to the throne of grace, and leave them there. . . our countenance will be no more sad.” (Matthew Henry)

4. Respond correctly—in every stage of the trial. When you do not yet see any answer or relief, trust Him. Keep looking and you will see your loving, good, faithful God. When you see His mercy and grace carrying you through the storm, praise Him. When you recognize that no matter what happens today or tomorrow, your security in God is eternal, rejoice in Him. When God answers your cries for help by giving you more of Himself, thank Him. “Though weeping may endure for the night, joy comes in the morning.” What comfort and hope!

Your family, your friends, and your co-workers will notice these responses during your trials. They won’t see all the previous work you do with God to get to this point, but your testimony will draw them to God. Then they will ask, “Why are you different than others? How can you handle this stress? Tell me about your God.” You will have the perfect opportunity to testify of God’s love and His saving grace. This is one of the primary purposes of trials in the life of a Christian—to bring glory to God and point others to Him.

So let us learn from the psalmist and his prayer. Relinquish your struggle. Refocus your thoughts. Remember God’s character. Respond to Him correctly. Quiet your raging soul and stop your angry tears long enough to see your Father working all these things for your good. Sit at your Father’s feet—no longer throwing a tantrum, but quietly resting and trusting Him. Then may we sing with David, “God has dealt bountifully with me!”