Friends for Good

When I was growing up, my mom had many friends, but there are two ladies I would consider to be her best friends. We called them aunt even though they were not blood related to us – Aunt Lynda and Aunt Barb. What made these friendships special and unusual (in my childlike mind) was the fact that they did not live in the same country as us! My family lived in the United States of America, and my mom’s best friends lived in Canada. Aunt Barb even lived in South America for a few years! My mom has been in heaven for over 20 years, so her friendships were formed without social media or even email. These three ladies stayed in touch through letters, phone calls, and precious few visits. These friendships lasted the test of time. They lasted through adversity. Cancer. Divorce. Heart failure. Moves. Ailing parents. Crushed dreams. Death. They saw each other at their best and their worst. They saw their kids acting like little angels (I’m sure!) and fighting like cats and dogs. In spite of the messiness, or maybe because of the messiness, their friendship lasted because there was a firm foundation. Their friendship was built on God’s Word. They all knew that they were sinners. They all knew that they needed a Savior, and they loved Him dearly for how He had changed their lives. I know that these three ladies prayed for each other. I know that these three ladies shared verses with each other. I know that they apologized and asked for forgiveness.

I realize that many of you reading this blog may yearn for one friendship like I have described. Your heart may ache and cry out for one friend with whom you can share a cup of coffee. One friend who will go shopping with you. One friend who will sympathize over your ruined supper. My heart aches for you. I have been lonely, too. I must be honest and tell you that God has given me many girlfriends who are just a text or phone call away. Most of them made the trip to Georgia this summer for my daughter’s wedding. I love them dearly, and I know that they would drop everything for me if I needed them. I treasure these ladies. They have prayed for me. They correct me when my thinking is wrong. They send me verses to encourage me. We send silly memes to each other. We no longer live in the same town, but we can pick right up where we left off.

I have thought a lot about friendship since a coworker told me that I was a horrible friend. She wasn’t joking. I had hurt her deeply because I had not gone out of my way to get to know her when we started teaching together. She assumed that I was spending copious amounts of time with another staff wife and leaving her out. It wasn’t true. I was too busy being a wife, mother, and teacher. Her assumptions hurt her feelings, and her words hurt my feelings. But the Lord allowed me to take inventory of how I view friendship and what a good friend should be.

Psalm 1 is a good place to start.

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.

Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.”

Verse one tells us of the dangers of ungodly friends. Our closest friends should point us to Jesus. We start by just walking casually with the wicked, and then we find ourselves standing with them, and eventually we are sitting with the scornful. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He that walketh with the wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Surround yourself with women who love God and His Word. Pray that God will give you a friend who will point you to Christ. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Sometimes the most loving thing a friend can do is to kindly let you know that your thinking does not line up with what the Bible says.

Verses two and three point us back to where our focus should be. We need to delight on the Lord and in His Word. That is where the blessing comes from. As you are spending time in God’s Word, pour your heart out to God. Let Him know about your desire for friendship. He can handle your heartache. He already knows about it. If you read the Psalms, you will read about David’s anguish. He cried to the Lord and took his burdens to God. Psalm 56:8 tells us that God keeps track of our tears and stores them in a bottle.

I wish I had a list of 7 ways to gain a friend. I wish I could give you a list of 4 ways to guarantee a new friend by the New Year. I don’t. But I promise that God loves you. He is a “friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” He will listen to your deepest desires. I pray that God will give you the desire of your heart. I pray that you will have at least one close friend in your lifetime. But if you don’t, God still loves you. This life is short, and eternity is forever. God promises, “No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.” Over the years, I have learned that if God does not give me the desires of my heart, then it must not be a “good thing” for me.