A Mother’s Love

They were right! They all said it would happen, every one of them! I remember being a young mother with young children, and constantly hearing the older, wiser mothers at church say, “They will grow up in an instant, so don’t blink or you will miss it.” Those words resounded in my ears, especially on those particularly difficult days that I thought would never end. There were days when I thought I was the worst mother with the worst children, and I longed for their words to be true. There were also days when all was well and I was the best mother with the best kids, and I wanted those days to last forever.

Whether good or bad days, we all, as mothers, love our children. Often in counseling, I will compare and contrast a mother’s relationship with her children to God’s relationship with His children. I am not saying that we have unconditional love for our kids the way God does for us.

“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.” (Isa. 49:15)

God is characterized by love and is the source of love. He is the essence and example of love, and, try as we might, our love for our children will fall short of God’s love for us.

“If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” (Matt. 7:11)

In contrast to false teachers, Paul exhorts Titus to teach sound doctrine as he gives instruction to certain groups. He addresses the aged women in chapter two, verse three. These are the older and more spiritually mature women, who have lived longer and experienced more than those they are called upon to teach - the younger women. To teach (didasko) means to instruct and inform. The older women could not teach what they had not learned, nor can we.

We can notice that lists in the Bible indicate a progression, with the first item on the list being the most prominent. This passage exhibits what should be the priorities of every Christian woman. She needs to be in right standing with God and to exhibit behavior as becometh holiness (v. 3). This can only happen if God is her number one priority. As we know, the first and great command is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind (Matt. 22:37). In order for their words to be effective, the older women need to be the example.

So we see that God is a woman’s first priority, followed by love for her husband. Then, as a mother, she is to love her children. The Greek word philoteknos is used here to describe a mother’s love. Someone said, “The idea that flows out of this word is that of caring for our children, nurturing them, affectionately embracing them, meeting their needs, and tenderly befriending each one as a unique gift from the hand of God.”

I want to emphasize from this passage that a woman is to love God first, her husband second, and her children third. Too much of my counseling has dealt with the issue of women putting their children before their husband. This practice leads to a child-centered home and is not congruent with Scripture. It happens when there is a misconception of what loving your children should look like.

Referring back to and meditating on 1 Corinthians 13, what does a mother’s love look like practically?

• A mother assesses the needs of her children and attends to those needs. She holds, soothes, and cuddles her children, (and then puts them down), stays up all night with a sick child, and makes sure they are clean and healthy.

• She helps them with understanding their homework, completing projects for school, and learning Bible verses for Wednesday night Bible club.

• She talks about God and is seen by her kids praying and reading her Bible.

• She makes them feel special on special days and makes a big deal when they have accomplished a goal. She gives of her time when she is otherwise busy. She puts her leisure activities aside for a teaching moment or to play a game with her kids and attends every recital, performance, and program at school that she possibly can.

• She teaches them responsibility by giving them chores and teaching them how to do those chores well.

• She loves their daddy and shows her love openly for the kids to see. She encourages them to love their daddy and follow his instruction.

• She does not focus on their failures or make fun of their weaknesses.

• She prepares them to be independent from her and dependent on God. She helps them fill out college applications and buys all they need to go off to college.

• A mother prays diligently and fervently for her children.

A mother does all these things and more regardless of how she feels. Her sacrifice is rarely recognized or appreciated, but it will bring honor and glory to God, who has gifted her with this awesome responsibility and privilege.

Older or younger, we are all exhorted to learn and teach. The Bible does not leave us without instruction. Being a mother is a blessing from the Lord, and children are a gift from the Lord (Ps. 127:3-5). Whether you have your own biological children, foster children, adopted children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or children in your church, we all can glean from God’s commands when it comes to children. We know we need to be:

*Available, morning, noon, or night (Deut. 6:6-7). Stop what you are doing and give your full attention to your kids when they come to you, or if needed, ask them if they can wait a few minutes while you finish what you are doing.

*Involved, interacting, discussing, thinking, and processing life together (Eph. 6:4). Ask questions, answer their questions, and find out their thought processes on certain subjects. Maybe you are watching TV together and a difficult issue is presented in the show. Talk about it and give it a Biblical perspective.

*Teaching Scripture, biblical principles, and a biblical worldview (Deut. 4:10; Ps. 78:5-6; Eph. 6:4). There are plenty of opportunities throughout your day to share these lessons, whether discussing music, movies, books, or relationships with friends. Always approach with a biblical principle so the children understand God’s perspective.

*Training the child to develop, skills, strengths, and spiritual gifts (Prov. 22:6; Rom. 12:3-8; 1 Cor. 12). Learn your child and promote their talents and gifts. Encourage them to use those abilities. Don’t be afraid to point out their weaknesses - with a plan on how to strengthen them in that area.

*Disciplining and teaching the fear of the Lord. We need to set boundaries and expectations lovingly and firmly and to establish the consequences (Prov. 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15-17; Heb. 12:5-11). Help your children to understand the Biblical reason behind rules, and how the rules are set to honor the Lord. It is important that they learn not just to be obedient to you, but to God (Eph. 6:1).

*Nurturing by providing an environment of constant verbal support, freedom to fail, acceptance, affection, and unconditional love (Eph. 4:29-32; 5:1-2; Gal. 5:22; 2 Tim. 1:7; Titus 2:4; 1 Pet. 3:8-9). Praise them every chance you get, and encourage them in their failures. Make sure they know and feel comfortable coming to you to talk. Don’t be afraid to discuss any subject with your children (even the embarrassing ones).

For all of you who may not have children or who now have grown children, thanks for sticking with me. All of these thoughts and ideas can still be useful for you. Even though I have two wonderful boys of my own, I still find ways to minister to kids in my church. I “adopted” five daughters from church and spent time with them. I had them over to do crafts, to bake cookies, and for fun movie and game nights. God impressed upon me to open my heart and home to these girls and be a blessing to them in any way I could. Their mothers appreciated it, as well. They all agreed that they wanted their daughters to have another woman who could give them spiritual guidance and love on them. They are all off in college now, but I still do my best to maintain that relationship with them.

Kids are faced with pressure now more than ever in this world, and we all need to take an interest in them to help keep them on the right path to follow the Lord. Let us remember the words of the Lord that Moses conveyed to the nation of Israel:

“Gather Me the people together, and I will make them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children.” (Deut. 4:10)