Teach the Women to Love their Husbands
That the aged women…may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5
We are reminded that this passage of Scripture from Titus was written to believers – Christians in the church. The mature Christian women are to teach the young believing women how to love their husbands. I think it is important to recognize that Paul does not say that this only applies to women with husbands who are believers or in fellowship with the Lord. All “young women” who are believers need to learn to love their husbands. This may be more difficult if a woman has an unsaved husband, but according to Paul, it must be possible or he would have made a clear distinction.
In I Peter 3, the apostle Peter states that a Christian who is in subjection to her unbelieving husband MAY win that husband to Christ simply by her “conversation” (behavior). Peter further states that the “conversation” demonstrated should be “chaste, coupled with fear.” This is talking about “fearing the Lord.” Proverbs 31:30 states that a “woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” In other words, a godly Christian wife, who truly loves the Lord and lives by His commandments will be noticed and can have an amazing effect on an unsaved husband—even to the point of his praising her.
Looking again at the passage in I Peter 3, we see that he gives some guidelines for all Christian wives to follow, not just those with Christian husbands. Apparently, the way she dresses is important not only to the Lord, but also to her husband. But the real “adorning” should be in the heart! Peter describes the “meek and quiet spirit” as being of “great price” in the “sight of God.” I would suppose then we need to know what a meek and quiet spirit is.
In studying the “Fruit of the Spirit” from Galatians 5:22-23, I discovered that this “meek and quiet spirit” is not something we just determine to have, but rather it is a “fruit” or a result of being filled with the Holy Spirit of God. Of course, I could not begin to address this enormous topic in just a few paragraphs, but suffice it to say that we must DAILY “crucify ourselves” (Galatians 2:20), and allow Christ to live through us. “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). Every area of our lives must be consecrated to Him. If an unbelieving husband consistently sees Christ and His love demonstrated on a daily basis, instead of a selfish wife and her selfish desires, he may without the written Word “be won” (I Peter 3:1-3). He would see the “Living Word” instead.
Sometimes this process takes a long time. We have known personally various ladies whose husbands came to Christ after many, many years of consistent prayer and dedicated service to the Lord. Sad to say, too many times a wife gets tired of waiting and tries to take matters in her own hands. God can only work when we allow Him to do so.
God gives us a detailed description as to the qualities of love in I Corinthians 13. Love is patient (“suffers long”), “kind,” is not jealous (“envieth not”), does not brag or is not arrogant (“vaunteth not itself’), does not act unbecomingly (“does not behave itself unseemly”), is not selfish (“seeketh not her own”), is “not easily provoked,” does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness (“iniquity”), but rejoices in the truth, “bears, believes, hopes, an endures all things,” and finally, “love never fails!” Only with the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through a devoted wife would she be able to love an ungodly man in such a way!
Now let’s focus on the actual teaching to love our husbands, saved or unsaved! Some husbands may be easier to love than others, especially those who truly love and are dedicated to the Lord. But the process of loving is not a “one-time” occurrence that happens during courtship or at the wedding. Love is a growing process fertilized with prayer, commitment, and actions.
My husband and I have talked about the time when we both realized we were “in love.” We believe we truly were in love at that time! But oh, the difference 54 years makes, when we have prayed together, cried, suffered, worked and acted. Our love today is so much greater than the initial “falling in love”—there really is little comparison there. What makes the difference?
Let me briefly address this area of prayer. I know it sounds trite to say we need to pray for our husbands AND for our love to grow! But, ladies, God still promises to answer when we call, and that includes such things as asking Him to increase our love for our husbands. Don’t wait until you begin having problems and drift away from each other to begin praying. A young bride needs to begin Day 1 of her marriage (actually before the wedding) asking the Lord to increase their love for one another. God is faithful! If we want to establish a home with Christ as the foundation, then the first step is prayer.
Along with prayer, it is important to maintain a daily commitment to be the kind of wife God wants you to be. The key here is “daily”. Once a week doesn’t cut it. Once a month is pathetic, and once every time there is a nasty argument is not a cure. We must DAILY commit our will to the Lord and ask Him to help us commit ourselves to our husbands. This is also part of submission and reverencing our husbands, which the Scripture clearly asks of us as wives. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of talking to the Lord about our homes and relationship with our husband.
When we are walking in the Spirit, I believe God will show us specific areas we can work on to please our husband. Be sensitive to His leading and willing to obey. Then, ACT upon those things. How can we act? I would like to give some practical helps of actual things to do to help keep your marriage alive and your love vibrant.
If my husband asks me to do something specifically such as iron a shirt, make sure to wash a certain garment, sew a button on, find his baseball hat, clean up the kitchen, or whatever, then I need to make that a priority over other tasks I may have for that day. Following my relationship with the Lord, my first responsibility is to my husband!
We can do things everyday just to let our husband know that we love him. Of course, we all know the saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” But it is true also, that part of our responsibility in marriage is taking care of his needs, including preparing meals that are to his liking and according to the time schedule he has. Rebekah knew the way Isaac liked his venison prepared, and she made “savoy meat such as he loved.” (Genesis 27:14)
A few hints to let your husband know you love him are: putting a “love-note” in his briefcase where he will be sure to see it, or a note on the mirror where he shaves in the morning. Make sure his glass is filled with drink at the dinner table if needed; make sure the children know he gets the biggest piece of pie – in essence treat him like a king! What about the way you dress or wear your hair? Shouldn’t HIS preferences be considered? I am sure if you tried, you could come up with a book full of ideas of things to do for your husband, letting him know you love him each day! In fact, there are books written with many suggestions about these kinds of things. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit and dying to self and the flesh each day can we begin to think in such a manner as to put our mate first in our home.
Now I know that lifestyles, even 20 years ago, were different. And life didn’t seem to be quite as complicated. Today, with most women working outside the home, or at home on computers, or homeschooling our children, etc., sometimes it may be much more difficult to put our husbands first. How can we handle all the other responsibilities? Just keep in mind that God’s ways never change with time or lifestyles. It may mean we need to check and change our priorities in order to develop the kind of home God wants us to have. There are some things that could possibly be dropped from our schedules until our children are older, or for some future time. These changes don’t always take place overnight, but if we talk to the Lord about it, “He will direct our paths.” AND He will bless your relationship and your home!
Someone has wisely said, “The best thing you can do for your children is to LOVE their Daddy.” Show him you love him and show your children, too!