Teach Them to Pray
“And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.” (Lk. 11:1)
A significant amount of my recent counseling hours has evidenced a rising trend in our society that most people are unaware of. The US News reports, “Emergency room visits for suspected suicide attempts among girls between the ages of 12 and 17 increased by 26% during summer 2020 and by 50% during winter 2021, compared with the same periods in 2019.” They attribute it to a disturbance in social rhythms.
I have spoken with many young ladies and moms of teen girls recently with similar concerns about being in a depressed state. I am talking about young ladies who have been brought up in church and profess to know Christ as their Savior. I don’t think we can be naïve to think that the stated statistical numbers only reflect those who are unchurched.
Like adults, young people have been struggling over the past couple of years with cultural and social ramifications of the pandemic. Parents have been concerned that their once “happy-go-lucky” child is now struggling with depression and hopelessness. And just like adults, the problems of young people have been exasperated by the pandemic; friendship and relationship problems, school issues, insecurity, fear, anxiety, medical problems, family problems, and spiritual problems. Many young people have lost loved ones during this time and are grieving just the same as
adults, and maybe for the first time, which can cause great fear and doubt, not to mention insecurity.
Social media has caused many problems of discontentment, jealousy, and depression even before the pandemic, but we can conclude that the rise in these issues is much greater now that social media has been the main source of communication for so long. These young girls are searching for happiness, hope, rescue, escape, and rest—peace—from their current reality, as well as a return to “normal” life.
Unfortunately, the methods for coping can be destructive, unbiblical, and even uncharacteristic for them: cutting, eating too little/too much, acts of rebellion, substance abuse, dangerous relationships, unwholesome entertainment, and yes, attempts at suicide. It has been my experience that most girls do not actually want to die, but are crying out for help.
I can recall a few times in my growing up years going through some very difficult times that caused me to feel down and even depressed. I grew up in church and was saved early in life. I read the Bible and memorized scores of verses. I sat in church 3 services a week, and my family served in different ministries. I attended kid’s programs, VBS, and teen activities. I had a solid foundation in the Lord, but my relationship did not develop with Him until hard times had befallen our family.
I can look back and say now, just as these teens have been telling me, “I know of God, but I don’t know God.” It was at the time of my parent’s divorce, around age 13, that I began to pray more. I would take long walks and talk to God. I felt as if I had no voice with anyone except God. I poured my heart out to Him with every thought, worry, and fear. I know God did not always give me answers, and my circumstances did not change—in fact, they got worse. But I do remember being at peace every time I prayed. I know that God was listening, and I know now that it was His grace that helped me deal with anger and fear. It was His grace that allowed me to forgive those I needed to forgive. And it was His grace that helped me not just endure, but persevere.
In Luke 11:1, Jesus’s disciples waited for Jesus to finish praying. They had seen Him pray many times and were inquisitive. His disciple said, “Lord, teach us to pray.” They wanted to follow His example because they knew His love for prayer, but they also knew that prayer was not just reciting vain words repetitiously (Matt. 6:7). Jesus gives the example in verses 2-4 of the Lord’s prayer, not as a means of thoughtless repetitive words, but as an example of how and what they were to pray. (See “More Truth” for directives on prayer.)
Parents will teach their children about prayer and even have them recite a certain prayer before meals or at bedtime. As the children grow, more training is required to learn to pray, and parents may teach methods of prayer such as ACTS or the 5 finger prayer. Unfortunately, that is usually where the training stops.
With every young person I counsel, our main focus is on developing her relationship with the Lord, and we begin with prayer. Bible reading is important, and one of the goals of counseling is to help her rightly divide the Word of God so she will foster a desire and love for reading her Bible. But let’s face it, most young girls like to talk, and they develop more of a connection with someone through conversation. They need to understand that God loves them unconditionally and that they can say whatever is on their heart and mind to God at any moment throughout their day without feeling insecure or judged.
The more these girls learn to pray and go to God, the more He becomes trustworthy to them. They learn to rely on Him and go to Him as a first response to trials and difficulties. They will learn to find comfort and contentment in God through prayer. The more they pray, the more desire they have for prayer.
The recent emphasis on mental health in the media has influenced many parents to seek counseling for their teen girls. I am happy to meet with young ladies, but I offer this disclaimer: I can meet with them for 1 hour a week, but you are with them for the other 167 hours. Who has the greater
influence? In an attempt to support and encourage parents as to how to help their struggling teen, I offer these practical suggestions.
1. Talk to them – Spend time asking questions about friends, school, sports, youth group, social media, boys they like (no matter your stand on relationships, girls like boys, so ask them about the boy they like). Give encouragement and advise. Make sure they know you love and support them. Don’t dismiss their thoughts and feelings as immature and childish (they are immature children). Give them your time and attention. Create an environment where they can be heard, and more importantly where they know you want to listen to them.
2. Teach them to pray – Feeling alone and isolated is actually a great opportunity to help them develop their personal relationship with God. Encourage prayer, model prayer, and pray with them and for them. Remind them that they can say anything to God, and that their hope is in Him. Their words do not have to be perfect or even sound religious. They just need to be open and honest with their Savior.
3. Teach them how to read their Bible – Most girls I have talked to have been made to read their Bible, but most do not know how to apply it to their lives. They feel disconnected from God because they do not understand that God’s Words were written for them. Read with them, and explain passages. Take a real life situation from their life and help them see how God’s Word addresses it.
4. Be involved – Do not disconnect from your child’s world. If you are too busy to be involved, then you are too busy. I can’t think of a worthier cause than to dedicate time to bring your child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Do fun things together, invite their friends over and get to know them, follow them and their friends on social media. Attend their school activities, games, and competitions. Take an interest in their interests, but also give them some space.
5. Allow them to struggle – It is the goal of some parents to shield their child from all unpleasant, difficult, and unjust circumstances. Some parents feel like a failure if their child is unhappy, but that is not even biblical. The Bible tells us that we all will suffer and go through tribulations in this world. It is through trials, tragedies, failures, suffering, and disappointments that God works in each of His children to transform them into the image of Christ. We should not want to hinder the work God is doing in our child’s life through difficult situations. Make sure they understand that there is nothing going on in their life that is so terrible that there is no hope.
This is not to discourage parents from seeking counseling for their young person. Sometimes problems are more than you are capable of handling without professional guidance. Take suicidal threats seriously and assess the situation with compassion by asking more questions.
Just as we as parents have learned to allow difficult times to drive us into the arms of our Savior, teach your young people to do the same. No matter what we encounter in this world, we all—young and old—need to know that God is enough.
“Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.” (Is. 55:1-2).
Understanding the need for women to seek trusted Biblical counsel rather than suffering in silence from her own personal experiences, Kim allowed the Lord to direct her path to become a Biblical counselor. She has acquired a certification from ACBC, as well as a master’s degree from Maranatha Baptist University in Biblical counseling. She is committed through counseling to help women understand the importance of good theology as it relates to all of life’s issues. She desires to bring encouragement and deliver God’s Truth in love to women and young women seeking God’s answers to their problems.
Kim has been married and serving alongside her husband at Crosspointe Baptist Church in Indianapolis, Indiana for over 25 years. They have two sons who are the delight of Kim’s heart, but now that they have flown the coop, she finds herself with more time to enjoy a cup of coffee, a good book, and long walks and bike rides with her loving husband